my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Actions speak louder than pants.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
