I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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