Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
