he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
