at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it glows. i had to have it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
