porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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