i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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