Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
