So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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