I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
