Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
