Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
