I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
