I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
