wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
3pm strippers are depressing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
