We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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