They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
