I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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