I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
