I just saw a hot homeless man
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
only if we run a train.
done.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
