john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
