I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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