I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
