Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am available for nakedness
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