problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
