I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
