you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
