her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
