Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
