I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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