We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
