I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
