Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
