I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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