He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
