Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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