I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
