His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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