Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
