Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
