i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
farters have to be the big spoon...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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