Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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