I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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