sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
