remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
