I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
