I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
