I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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