I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
