8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
