The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
