my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
