I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
