I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
