omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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