I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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