Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
