Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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