we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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