So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
